Mr. Africa Poetry Lounge!
IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME
If you really knew me you would know I'm weak
I talk a lot but I don't like to speak
See I'm scared because I've bared my soul and been rejected
Helped others while I'm left helpless
And I've laid on my back looking for love
Seen the man next day he act like he didn't know who I was
Now that's pain to know last night from my lips left his name
And yet he is ashamed
See no man wants a women that's been had
And because of my insecurities I have two kids with two different dads
What's more sad I thought it was cute
I thought I had them and when I say I'm pregnant its "Bitch by who"
If you really knew me you'd know I feel like a failure 23 and my life is in a whirlwind
I have no stability my feet are rarely on the ground
I'm running around lost just trying to be found
If you really knew me you would know I'm insecure
In my skin I feel ugly because my body is impure
And every time I gave my body away I gave a piece of me
Feel like I have nothing left inside I feel empty
If you really knew me you would know I have regrets
That my children done have adequate fathers that I'm left to teach boys to be men
I don't know how to do that and I don't have a plan
If you really knew me you would know that I have doubts that I am capable of being
what my children need
If you really knew me you would know I struggle with my faith
And that is why the devil can plant seed of hate
I still try to hide from GOD as if he hasn't seen my face
I'm in church every Sunday on the front row
In a spiritual battle I'm not prepared for
If you really knew me you would know that sometimes I don't want to be here
and although it's been a few years I used to try and commit suicide
You may wonder why but don't ask questions
I'm here now and that's the real blessing
You can't fix me so you shouldn't try
If you really knew me you would know that some nights I cry
For no reason at all but that the seasons have changed and spring is now fall
If you really knew me you would know I struggle financially
That sometimes I don't know how I'm going to feed my family or hell how ima get
gas for the week
But I manage even if I go hungry and my babies eating pb&j sandwiches we good
If you really knew me you would know I'm scared to be alone
because when I'm by myself my thoughts rome
and the devil gets to play in my head
telling me I'm not good enough for life that I should be dead
If you really knew me you would know I'm not crazy
Just a broken women taking this life thing daily
And even through all my insecurities GOD manages to see the good in me
You can't fix me so you shouldn't try only GOD can put together the shattered
pieces of this imperfect perfection of a life..
Written by Lillia Turner aka... Lilo
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