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Can You See Me?


Daddy, can you see me?
I mean really see me...
Not just the money or lack of that you may throw at me
And misconstrue it for time spent...
Not just us being in the same place at the same time
Not being able to watch you,
But I mean actually see me...
We don't talk unless you are yelling, because things are wrong
And you haven't given me the proper direction,
So I do what I think is right...
Follow the examples even if they are wrong, of the element that you leave me in,
And when I do what I see, I'm wrong...
When in actuality, you are wrong.
I am a child and have no control over my livelihood, my environment, my learned processes...
You hold that weight, Me? I can go where I am placed...
I can only do what I'm allowed.
If I'm not supervised, it's not on me-
That's all you...
Understand, that it doesn't matter what anyone else does, provides, or says,
They are not a replacement for you.
They may care, but they are not you,
I may like being around them, but they will never be able to take the place of you. So when I hurt, try to understand that I blame no one but you.


See you have taken me from what I know, to put me in the equivalent, but different...
So when we don't see each other,
Because everything in your life is more important than me,
I only blame you...


This right here is your legacy...
The lack of attention, love, but overabundance of giving me to other people to care for me,
Shows me exactly what a man should be
And all of the things that you deny me,
Love, conversation, compassion, leadership, love, again, love,
I'll just have to find it somewhere else...
I'll just have to find someone who will give those things to me...
I need them, I long for them...
But you won't give them to me...
Just so you know, as I grow,
This only puts in perspective the way I look at myself
My worth diminishes from my point of view
The impact you have on my life fades away too
And I build with the tools that you have given me,
Starting with the fact that any man will do, as long as he gives me attention,


Any attention.


And I don't have to be happy
I don't have to be stable
I don't have to agree
But I do have to walk on eggshells to make sure he's not mad at me
I do have to put myself out there,
I do have to scramble for his time.
And perhaps because you have shown me that it's alright to put your hands on women,
That if putting his hands on me makes me feel better, then that's alright too...
Because if these women stay with you after you hit them, then it must be acceptable...
When if I had the right example, I would not pay anyone unworthy of my time,
Any kind of mind
But I'll do it...
Because that is what I know to do.
That's what you show me is right to do...
I'll do what I have to for a moment of his time.
Because you have shown me that I had to do something extraordinary for positive attention
And sometimes that's not enough...
I wonder, if any of this would be a consideration,
If you would take a moment out of your busy, selfish life to see me.

Written by Emma Joan

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