It happened that night while her car was being ransacked
by car thieves breaking into the trunk
taking books and music
and money that she thought had hidden well
In that room full of people with hope
for a greater self
she saw another kind of life that she thought had left behind
only this time there were no signs of a god
just a sign she imagined meant only for her
she marveled at how different he was from everyday life
giving her an illusion of perfection
that she believed real
In that car with the wheel in front
she heard far away voices of warning and reason
but she could not see above the noise in her heart
a ring was placed on her finger
she laughed,
thinking it a joke
In that police station
where grown men are caged
and guns propped up properly in their holsters;
he tried to speak to her
but she shied away
sending him back out into the night
where he stood waiting awhile
steaming at the rejection
unintentionally given
In that house that night
was where he told her she would be his wife
and she,
full of hope and expectation,
followed
not yet knowing the price of freedom
would cost her lives she'd bear
In that moment
did the voices become ever so loud
ringing in her ears
causing such a commotion in her mind
but like a hard headed child
she'd gone ahead and listened to her fears
of loneliness
and abandonment
ignoring the voices of reason and logic
banging in her thoughts
to be let in
In that morning following
she was bound to this man she now called
her husband
by a thick chain made up of
loyalty, obligation,
and a form of love
that some say equals hate
she was still dizzy
as if drunk from the night before
and fighting a hang over that threatened to wake her
to the truth
She still speaks of this
years later after 20
to try and begin to teach us about the dangers
of expectation,
"With expectation comes disappointment",
she would start
and I instantly know
that she is still trying
to unbound herself from the loss
of her freedom